How Grief Can be Subtle
We might have the courage to say that Grief has a home in God.
We live with grief much more than we think.
At times she arrives in our driveway with a screeching halt, slams her door so loud it echoes down the street, and bangs on the front door with just enough force to keep it from shattering. When she comes like this, we know it’s urgent and we must open the door. When Grief arrives like this, her presence and purpose is undeniable. Refusing to let her in, no matter how inconvenient, is a waste of time and energy. She will break through a window, a back door, an air vent, something; anything to get in. How she is welcomed, and how long she lingers in the limbs of our life is marked on a calendar only God can read. One thing seems true; there are only so many times you can endure a fierce visit like this. There is only so much shock a heart can accommodate. There is only so much major loss one can endure.
More often than not, Grief doesn’t demand to enter our lives through catastrophic events. Instead, she quietly emerges from within and, in her own time, must find her way out. This kind of grief emerges most often through loss - and not the kind of shock-loss that death might bring - but a kind of ambiguous or shadow loss. These subtle and slower losses can look like many things, and they are not always marked by absolute endings. Grief may emerge as a child leaves home, as a partner or parent leaves; Grief emerges as a physical ability diminishes, as workmates moves, as a friend drifts away, as a career or title dissolves, as a place or thing sacred to you is endangered or destroyed, as a community no longer accepts you, as a life-season shifts; like single to partnered, partnered to parenting, parenting to eldering.
However Grief emerges in these subtle situations, it is worth paying attention to how she finds herself out. To deny the presence of Grief most often results in destructive acts fuelled by grievances like violence, addiction, hoarding and harm. You may even find yourself unwell, without medical resolve, if she is denied attention and care. It is best to acknowledge Grief’s presence and consider how she might make her way out of you. Common exits are tears, talking, movement, journalling, prayer and other spiritual rituals, to name a few. Sometimes, we need a good friend or practitioner to help find and open a door for Grief to exit safely, leaving Wisdom in her place.
I’m crossing the threshold into the new year with the words of the Prophet Isaiah ringing in my ear. Speaking of the Christ, Isaiah reminds us that he was “…acquainted with grief.” This same Christ and all that He experienced in His incarnation is now part of the Trinity. We might have the courage to say that Grief has a home in God. And we might even be bold enough to add that Grief is worth honouring when she comes to cleanse, heal and remind us of our home in the Trinity too.
Love and Blessings
David Tensen
www.davidtensen.com
